Boundaries
by Nayru Elric
Summary: While staying in a room together, Ash and Eiji share a moment of steamy tension. Warning: Graphic depictions of past sexual abuse.


**Summary:** While staying in a room together, Ash and Eiji share a moment of steamy tension. Warning: Graphic depictions of past sexual abuse.

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**Boundaries**

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Never had the night been as lonely as when Eiji was no longer beside him. Lights glistened in wet rivulets that ran down the windows, obscuring high-risers shimmering in midnight rain. The outline of the buildings was barely distinguishable from the sky, the city being the only thing he knew as home. Lately it was a place of shadows. The treachery surrounding Banana Fish had stained the metropolis forever. The eyes of all the death he'd wrought glowered at him wherever he roamed.

On the bed, Ash turned over, away from the city lights that gazed like spotlights into his soul. A bed on the other side of the room held the body of his friend, the Japanese boy who had chosen to stick with him throughout everything. Ash observed Eiji sleep. Back facing him, the sheet reached just below the shoulder of Eiji's pajamas, his body rising and falling. How different they were, and with what little distance they shared, it was a wonder how circumstance brought them together at all.

Intaking a clipped breath, Ash knew he wanted to climb into the bed of his friend and felt physical pain in his chest at the thought. It was a craving he couldn't quite place. It wasn't as though he was shy about such things – he wasn't exactly given the chance to be – however, this… felt different to those times before. Taking a hand from beneath the covers, Ash extended his fingers and hand in the direction of Eiji, wanting to inhabit some of the light around him, but he felt the callouses that had formed on his palms from a wire he'd used to strangle countless men that day, and flashes of the blood that stained his hands blared in his mind like a siren, making him unable to think of anything else. No, he couldn't drag Eiji into his sadistic ways. He wouldn't. It was the least he could do.

Time and time again, Eiji's proximity only got him kidnapped and hurt; it was only a matter of time before Eiji experienced something irreversible. He still wasn't sure why Eiji stuck by him, and if something were to happen to him…

_Yeah, _mumbled his inner voice trenchantly in the dark. _If that happened, there wouldn't be any difference between Eiji and I, would there…?_

Ash retracted his hand, clutching it close to his body. The weakness he'd shown cowering in front of Eiji many nights before, and the affection he'd received thereafter…

He couldn't ask for any more.

**. . .**

"Ash!" came Eiji's nagging voice. "Get up!"

Groaning, the blond opened his eyes, only to be blinded by the sun slipping between the curtains. The rest of his view was enveloped by Eiji's round cheeks and stern face, framed by fluffy black hair. Ash shielded his eyes with an arm.

"_Gee_," Eiji said in his thick accent. He grabbed the remaining blankets on top of Ash and started yanking them off. "It's past eleven already – _get up!_"

Ash immediately took hold of the covers Eiji was trying to pull away from him and brought them back toward his chin. "Five more minutes…?" he purred sweetly, eyes still closed.

"Nope!" denied Eiji, snapping the blankets out of Ash's grasp so fast that he curled up in a ball and shivered. "Everyone else is waiting. Don't make me say it again!"

With that, he left the room with a _click! _and went bounding down the hall.

Sighing through his nostrils, Ash sat up and looked around the room. As usual, Eiji's bed was perfectly made. His own looked like a rat's nest.

Smoothing back blond locks and kneading his forehead wrinkled with exhaustion, Ash entered the kitchen in his pajamas. One of the straps of his tank top had slid down off his shoulder, but he was too lazy to pull it back up. It was just a habit to let things like that slide at this point, knowing the kind of taste his customers had had in the past. When Eiji walked past Ash from behind the kitchen counter, he briskly pulled it up, then sat down across from Ash at the table without missing a beat.

It shouldn't have been a big deal, but Ash stopped dead in his tracks. Already at the table with brunch before him, carving out a slice of egg, Eiji noticed Ash's trepidation. Voice muffled from his mouth being full, he said, "What?"

Jade-colored eyes were wide as Ash stood there, completely frozen. He quickly regained composure though, dragging out the chair opposite Eiji. As Ash sat down, Eiji watched him with curiosity. "Nothing," Ash responded. "Thanks for the food." He picked up his fork and sliced egg white open to reveal the solid yolk inside.

Blinking confusedly, Eiji swallowed his food. He wanted to figure out what had caused Ash to act in such a way, but the other avoided his gaze. The answer never came.

Later that day, Ash left the hideout to gather intel on Banana Fish and uncover Golzine's plot, meaning Eiji had time to himself as usual. Normally, he filled his time conversing with the other gang members they'd accumulated over the last few weeks – sometimes he even helped facilitate communications between Ash, the gang, and/or Max, or helped with chores. When none of that needed to be done, he prodded Kong or Bones to bring him a Japanese book from the library – talking in English every day nonstop was such a burden on his brain, especially when conversation always concerned such heavy information like Banana Fish and Golzine.

Today, though, he couldn't seem to focus on the words no matter what. His mind couldn't stop mulling over the details of the drug case and of his and Ash's interaction that morning. It wasn't the first time something like that had happened. So many times, it was as though Ash's internal mechanism came to a halt, his mind unable to process, but he pretended to carry on as if nothing had happened. _Always trying to make it seem like he knows what he's doing…_

Just what caused him to pause whenever Eiji did something so strangely normal?

Eiji couldn't figure it out, no matter how many times he ran the scenario through his mind. Had he done something wrong?

Getting more frustrated with himself and his inability to see it, Eiji shook his head. "Aaah, I don't get it!" he outburst, throwing his arms over his head, book still in hand. Bones was behind him when he did this.

"What's the matter? I thought reading Japanese would be easier for you. Jeez, and after Kong and I went to so much trouble to smuggle it out of the library."

A little embarrassed, (and baffled to hear Kong and Bones had _stolen _the book he was now reading – not that he should have expected anything different from a New York gang, he realized,) Eiji assured, "Ah, sorry. I was thinking about something else." It earned him a look but Bones didn't ask further. Bones left him alone on the couch, muttering something like "weirdo" under his breath. Eiji sighed.

There was no use in wondering about it. He had to get Ash to tell him himself.

**. . .**

That night, Ash came back to the hideout on the verge of collapsing from fatigue. He smiled as he greeted Eiji in the living room, but it wasn't long after dinner that he wandered off to their room, having been quiet the entire meal. Eiji watched him go like a waif in the night, and took it upon himself to follow him.

The din of the gang members chatting in the adjacent living room echoed in the hall, but once Eiji shut their door, it blocked out most of the sound. The bathroom door was closed, and Eiji could hear the shower running, so he sat on his bed and endeavored to focus on reading as he waited for Ash to finish. The other emerged a few minutes later with a towel over his head and a toothbrush in his mouth, a little surprised to find his friend there.

Eiji waited until he got settled, pretending to be enraptured by his book. Ash finished drying himself off, spit out the toothpaste in his mouth, and slumped on his bed on the other side of the room. The mattress made a puffing sound from the heaviness with which he did so.

"How was it today?" Eiji asked, casual. He peered at Ash's slumping figure out of the corner of one eye.

"Alright."

"Alright?" Eiji aped.

"Well, not much happened," said Ash, "so it didn't go good or bad one way or the other."

"Ah." Seeing how the younger boy swayed on his bed, staring out the window into the far-off city lights, Eiji closed his book. He stood up and stretched a little. Crossing in front of Ash's line of sight, Eiji sat beside him on the bed. The bed sunk from Eiji's weight, making him gravitate toward him.

"You okay?"

Slowly, the blond looked at him. There were dark lines beneath his eyes. More than that, his pupils and irises no longer held any shine, as if far away, lost somewhere in the buildings of New York. "I missed you today," Ash muttered without thinking – that is, nothing stopped him from admitting so.

Eiji smiled. Carefully, he lifted his arms, enwrapping the other in his warm embrace. He had no idea what Ash had seen that day to make him so tired, or what could possibly be going through his mind now or that morning, but he wanted to be there with him, maybe even help him. Soaking up Eiji's compassion, pervasive, Ash closed his eyes, his face pressed against Eiji's shoulder. He sucked in a deep breath, catching Eiji's homely scent: husky earth, toasty warmth. It was the most divine thing he'd smelled all day; the streets of New York reeked of filth and the crookedness of American capitalism. The two stayed that way for a while, until Eiji started rocking them gently back and forth.

How ridiculous any of his gang members would think this is if they came in and saw them now, Ash thought. They'd lose faith in him as their leader in a second – well, maybe not – but it would definitely earn him some teasing later, if nothing else – if they weren't too afraid to lose a tooth or an eye, that is. There was no possibility of that happening, though…

Ash was expecting Eiji to let go at any moment. That's what normally occurred; this wasn't the first time Eiji had caught him at a weak moment, and Ash relished every second in the other boy's arms, reassuring and grounded. Ash always dreaded when such moments would end, though he couldn't explain exactly what he was feeling – was it a sexual desire? Was it brotherly love? He didn't know.

As Ash showed no sign of wanting to stop, and wanting to explore the feelings churning inside himself, Eiji began to lean back on the bed, taking Ash down with him. They laid beside each other, heads half on the pillows. Although he didn't resist, Ash's heart started to race, reflected in his rapid breathing. He didn't know Eiji's exact intentions with this – all he knew was that he was enjoying it, especially when he could feel Eiji's hands traveling farther down back, reaching out for the hem of his shirt.

Ash let out a small gasp when Eiji touched his skin, and at that point Eiji stopped and craned his head back to see Ash's face. The other looked curious and timid from the action, but not rejecting of the touch. The only light was from the lamp on the other side of the room near Eiji's bed. It made them appear monochrome in the dimness. Eiji waited for Ash to tell him something, but he didn't. He said nothing. He only looked between Eiji's honest, chestnut eyes, his breath gradual. There was no trickery there, unlike the many he'd been forced to bed with before…

Since Ash made no move either way, Eiji's fingers lifted Ash's shirt, exposing the small of his back. Caressing lightly at first, he stroked the other's spine, tracing it with his fingertips. Soon Ash's eyes were closed, and he breathed in deeply, hugging Eiji closer. Eiji increased his speed, using his entire hand to rub up and down Ash's back; the other trembled beside him and, feeling the way Ash arched against him, the way his skin craved more and the way his breath hit him in short, ravenous spurts, Eiji's heart swelled. His hands smoothed from Ash's lower back all the way to the nape of his neck, and Ash's grip on him became more intense, his breath more irregular. When Eiji wrapped a leg around him, he hit Ash's boner. Squinting his closed eyes, the other groaned in burgeoning pleasure.

Aware of the situation they were now in, Eiji drew his own conclusions – which in turn made his heart pound excitedly in his chest and made him want to know how far this could go, despite his nerve. Eiji sat up and shifted his body so that he was hovering above his friend. One leg still crushing up against his friend's boner, Eiji pressed into him, to which Ash groaned louder this time. Arms splayed out on either side of them, he clutched the mattress. Those jade-colored eyes were open again but narrow, delirious from the desire coursing through his veins – and there was conflict there as he sought to understand the motions they had taken to get here so suddenly.

Eiji pressed into him again, this time with half his weight on top of Ash. The blond felt the stiffness that hit his stomach as he bucked into Eiji, and Ash bit his lip from the knowledge that Eiji was just as aroused as he was. To believe things could escalate so quickly…

With Ash's shirt already pulled up, Eiji took him around the waist and brought his face to Ash's chest. Feeling hot breath on his abdomen, Ash squirmed in his hold as Eiji's lips trailed up and down his skin. Ash's hips pressed into his, and Eiji was unsure how long he could hold out himself. Eiji's hands released from Ash's heaving body, and fluttered down to his waistline, hurrying to unbuckle his pants.

The fervency with which his friend did so suddenly struck the younger boy in the deepest part of his mind, a huge red light that screamed in warning and blocked out any other conceivable thought. Without hesitation Ash propped his legs against Eiji's chest and kicked him off his body with all the force he could muster, sending him off the bed. Gasping from his back knocking against the ground, having lost his breath, Eiji clutched his chest, peering dizzily up at the now-standing Ash. Murder was in his eyes. His blond hair was disheveled and concealed one side of his face. Pants loose, white shirt falling over his previously-exposed chest, Ash's hands and arms were raised in defense, ready to fight.

Seeing his friend's shock as he panted on the floor, unguarded and vulnerable, Ash realized what he'd done. Arms falling, the blond crumbled to his knees. On the edge of the bed, he clutched his heart, throbbing in his forehead and ears. His head fell to the sheets, hands on either side.

Rather than get angry, Eiji's face only held concern. Regaining his feet, he walked over to Ash, reaching out to touch the curve of his back, before deciding against it.

"Ash? Are you okay?"

He couldn't answer. Sight consumed by the blanket folds before his eyes, in his mind, all he could remember was the pain – that creeping pain of being used, over and over again. He'd been treated like a plaything, a doll to manipulate and abuse in any way the men who found him worthy deemed desirable. His own wants had meant nothing. If their interest in him waned even in the slightest, he would be cast aside, his existence regarded as nothing. He had to play to their fantasies if there was any hope of being free.

The recollection brought on the suffocation; he couldn't breathe, his throat closed, and he raised himself from the bedsheets a little so as not to choke himself any more. As he did so, Eiji saw the tears falling down his cheeks, but Ash was unaware. His lungs contracted but he couldn't get any air in no matter how hard he tried.

"Ash – Ash, listen to me." Eiji walked in front of him, placing both hands on his shoulders. "I didn't mean to – I – I'm sorry. I didn't know –"

The rest of his words were lost to the boy, who hardly processed the visual and auditory information before him, so caught in the past. At some point, Eiji stopped talking and, crestfallen, his hands fell back to his sides, but Ash could only watch, detached, as Eiji moved to sit beside him. The other's voice played, distant and faded like a tape reel in the background of his mind, which replayed scenes and sensations in his imagination. He felt the pain all over his body, where their hips had snapped against his without restraint. Wracked with lewdness, he felt dirty from the reactions his body betrayed him in giving. There was nothing he could do but pray to any god for salvation he knew would never come and wait for it to be over. No matter what he did, he couldn't bring himself out of the moment, the momentous pain and pleasure anchoring him to that moment, every moment. It drove through his gut like a stake as it renewed over and over again. Over and over. Over and over.

And it wouldn't stop.

Eventually, Eiji's voice broke through the thrusting motions that shook his body and the ragged moans that echoed through his mind. The heat he wanted no part of and was being forced to share cooled – and he heard more than the labored breath that haunted most of his dreams, whether it be someone else's or his own.

"Ash, you're okay. You're here now, nowhere else. You don't need to fight anymore. You're here with me. It's okay. It's okay…"

Oh, he was touching him again… Eiji's arms were wrapped around Ash and rubbing his back again, not erotic in need this time. That fact alone calmed his nerves – enough to allow himself to shake.

Ash broke down crying in Eiji's arms. Lurching into the other's embrace, Eiji was knocked back by the force of his friend's anguish and tears.

A little taken aback, it wasn't long before Eiji's arms settled around Ash. He hugged him tightly, still not entirely sure what he was thinking.

But it didn't matter.

Even if the entire world was against the Lynx in the shadows, Eiji wouldn't let him go. Even blood-thirsty predators with fangs as sharp as steel deserved a place to rest after the day's kill was over.

"Don't worry,"Eiji whispered. "Just let me know what your boundaries are. I won't make you do anything you don't want to."

To think someone as kind as him existed, someone who never asked him for anything in return…

It was too much.

Ash leaned back and looked at him with teary eyes. Lips ajar, he swallowed deliberately. Finally, Ash mumbled, a little humiliated, "I think… I want to try again."

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**I watched **_**Banana Fish **_**in the span of five days, and lemme tell you, it's been a long time since I watched an anime that fast. It struck me as holding a kind of realism most other anime seem too afraid to explore, which I much appreciated. However, while I had heard a lot about Ash's and Eiji's relationship before watching it, I felt their relationship was a lot more complex than the fans made it out to be.**

**I hope you enjoyed this one-shot. It turned out a lot differently than what I expected, but sometimes things that are unexpected… are better.**

**I don't often write M content, so I would like to know how this went. Tell me your thoughts below!**


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